I believe…. in love

This morning, in honor of my mother I walked in the Believe Walk to end cancer.  I didn’t want to, but part of this journey I am still on is sometimes doing things that I don’t want to do, but I believe in. Like today.

Its interesting how much you learn about yourself when you least expect it. I knew I would be emotional, I figured I would be sad. I had no idea how angry I would be.

Friday was my father’s birthday, next week it will be 20 years since he lost his life to colon cancer. On that same day, I got to watch my daughter cheer her heart out as her school beat their rivals in a football game that was like something out of a movie. My mom would have loved that game.

It’s hard not having parents. No matter how old you are. I can’t describe it, nor will I try, just please if your parents are still living, put your differences aside and enjoy them for who they are and just love them.

I started off the walk today inspired like I usually am. This walk is a yearly tradition for my mom and me. For as long as I can remember we would put on our pink gear and walk the route, a few times with my daughter, once with the dog.

Now that my daughter is a Spirit leader, she and her squad cheer on the thousands of people that come out to support their loved ones. Survivors proudly wear special t-shirts and have special photo ops and swag. It really is amazing. An entire community comes together to celebrate those who have survived and even those who didn’t.

Except me.

The farther I walked the angrier I became. I thought I had worked through the why’s, but I was overwhelmed by a wave of anger, then fear as I tried to navigate through the crowd. “where was my daughter? was she safe?” kept running through my head. “where is my mom? is she ok?” oh wait that’s right, she’s not here. All I wanted to do was go home, really what I wanted was my mom to be home when I got there.

I called one of my angels for guidance and she told me my daughter was safe and waiting for me. So I ditched the crowd, along with my loyal friend who was brave enough to go on this emotional journey with me, we found the RHS cheerleaders exactly where they were supposed to be and I could breathe again.

I was greeted with love and compassion by the people who have now become my family. My daughter and her besties ran and hugged me until I stopped crying and finally, I wasn’t angry anymore.

If that’s not a love story, I don’t know what is.